Can’tcha See I’m Only Two?

White House Gates

In case you missed the news late last week, there was some commotion at the White House.  The story hit the news Friday morning on several internet sites.

Thursday evening, August 7, reporters gathered in anticipation of a news conference on the deteriorating situation in northern Iraq.  As they waited for a possible appearance by President Obama, a male toddler managed to push his way through the White House gates, getting the full attention of Secret Service personnel, who instantly  established a security lockdown and took the toddler into custody for what was later humorously referred to as a “time out.”  The child was returned to his parents shortly after agents realized his level of language development made an interrogation impossible.

This incident is another in a string of security breaches at the home of the Commander in Chief.  Just last May a man stripped naked when personnel would not allow him entry, and a federal employee was arrested after blending in with a Secret Service motorcade at a security checkpoint .  One of the more widely publicized violations, of course, took place in 2009 when Machaele and Tareq Salahi (no longer married) breezed past two security checkpoints during a state dinner,  making it all the way to the receiving line where they were able to shake hands with the President.  While they claimed to have been invited to the event that honored the prime minister of India, their names were not on the guest list.  (USA Today News)

The little guy who stuffed his two-year old self through those gates last week and skipped across the lawn is, as far as we know, the youngest barrier-scofflaw to date.  No information was provided about whether  the Secret Service were forced to give chase, but if they were, I’ll bet they had special appreciation for their workout routines that evening.   (Developmental fact:  you are at your highest rate of physical activity at the age of two.)

We’re glad he’s safe, and that no one was hurt, right?  His family is likely grateful that their identity was not splattered across television screens, and no video was posted to go viral.  But they do have an especially cool family story to share at holidays now.

I say, then, it is once again time for a piggy-back song to memorialize this event — to honor a happy ending, and to recognize that classic universal quality of the 2 year-old:  curiosity.  I offer the following ode to the Mystery Boy, with a respectful nod to Magic!, the Canadian reggae fusion band whose hit song, “Rude,” is currently number one on the Billboard pop chart.   Sing along if you know it!

                    Don’tcha Know I’m Only Two?  (sung to the tune of “Rude,”    by Magic!)

White Male Toddler with Bandana

Strolled with my parents last Thursday night down Pennsylvania Avenue.  Stopped at the White House, saw all those lights – had to get me a close view.

White House - Night Image

Pulled at the gate with all of my might, tryin’a get inside there, ‘cuz this is the House of our President, yeah.

Secret Service Agent

Can I come inside Secret Service dudes?  Say yes, say yes, ‘cu’z I wanna go.  You said I’ll never lay a foot in this bungalow – give it up now, kid, that’s it – you better go.

Black Male Toddler

Why y’all gotta be such prudes?  Can’tcha see I’m only two?  Why you in such a bad mood?

I’m gonna get in there anyway (get in that House) …  I’ll be in there by 9 today (get in that House) …  Gonna party the night away (get in that House) … Gonna meet the First Family!

Obama First Family

Why y’all got be such prudes?

Male Toddler with Painted Face

I gotta do this — your rules are harsh, so I gotta break ’em.  Gonna squeeze my way right through these bars and launch my stealthy run … And I shall find my way to the very edge of the South Lawn … I shall keep you at bay … you ain’t trained to catch a kid my age.

Can I come inside Secret Service dudes?  Say yes, say yes, ‘cuz I wanna go .  You said I’ll never lay a foot in this bungalow – give it up now, kid, that’s it — you better go.

Why y’all gotta be such prudes?  Can’tcha see I’m only two?  Why you in such a bad mood?

I’m gonna get in there anyway (get in that House) … I’ll be there by 9 today (get in that House) … Gonna party the night away (get in that House) … Gonna meet the First Family!

Why y’all gotta be such prudes?

 

So, dear readers, you know what time it is.  What barriers did  you breach in your childhood?

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